I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
