Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
