Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
