I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My vagina just recognized that song.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
