Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
