btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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