dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
