just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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