i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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