I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
