First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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