When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
