I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
