dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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