Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
