I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
