What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
