There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
