the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
