i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The struggles of a small town man whore
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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