Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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