I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
