she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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