we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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