I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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