so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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