Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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