Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So here I am, sexting at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
