Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
