Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
