But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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