I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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