someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
