I wannas sexs uuuuu
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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