im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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