i think i have two assholes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
