i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my being single is dangerous.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
