just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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