i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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