True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
