I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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