The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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