I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
