Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
