How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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