do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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