that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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