Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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