Do you still have your period?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
