It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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