i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
