3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am puke
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
