It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
